Celebrate the good, bad, best and downright craziest dads this Father’s Day
Hello there, Professor Quantum of the London Time Tour Bus here. With Father’s Day coming up on the 21st of June, I wanted to write something to commemorate my ‘Dads Go Free’ event! Yes, you heard me right. Dads go free on the London Time Tour Bus on Father’s Day. How spiffing!
It stands to reason that for Father’s Day, my blog will be about dads throughout history. But not just any dads, oh no. I’ve chosen the bad, good, best, and downright craziest dads in history. Are you ready? OK, buckle up. And spit out that gum.
I bet you’re wondering where Father’s Day all began, aren’t you? Or perhaps you’re wondering where we are? Don’t worry; those questions are equally pertinent as I’m about to answer both them at once! This is why I’m a professor, after all.
Father’s Day started right here in 1910 when a young lady named Sonora Smart Dodd wanted an official day to celebrate the good deeds of fathers like her own, William Jackson Smart. What good deeds did good Sir William accomplish? As well as being a civil war veteran, he single-handedly raised Sonora and her six siblings after his wife passed away during childbirth – that’s a good dad! If you look over there into the town square you’ll see lots of young women lining up to give their fathers red roses, symbolizing their love for old dad. Awh.
I hope that fuzzy feeling in your heart keeps you warm because it’s about to get very chilly. Hold on tight… and spit out that gum!
W-w-welcome t-t-o Russ-Russ-Russia! Oh, let me t-turn this heating on.
That’s better, phew. Don’t worry; we won’t be here long. The year is 1581 and we’re outside the palace of Tzar Ivan, who is more commonly known as ‘Ivan the Terrible’ which, in Russian, means something closer to ‘Ivan the Formidable.’ Either way, I wouldn’t want to be any closer than we are now. Why was he so terrible? Well if you look through that window there , you’ll see Ivan standing above a body on the floor. Looks like he’s just thwacked that poor fellow over the head with a 30-pound iron bar, doesn’t it? Well, he has and the dead person on the floor? His son. That’s a bad dad.
Oh dear, he’s seen us… I’d rather not be on the wrong side of history; let’s go! Wait, are you still chewing gum?
Welcome to June, 326 A.D, where we’re visiting Constantine the Great, the 57th Emperor of the Roman Empire. There isn’t a great deal of information on how Constantine rated as a dad but we can safely assume, based on the facts we do know, that he was definitely not called ‘Constantine the Great Father.’
He’s known for killing his wife, the Empress Fausta, because his mother, Helena, asked him to. Then he poisoned his son Crispus and to add insult to injury, he banned people from talking about them and then systematically removed their names from everything he could find, effectively scrubbing them out of existence. That’s a crazy dad.
These last two dads have been a bit depressing, haven’t they? Hmm, I know what’ll cheer you up… follow me. And for the last time, stop chewi- oh, you got rid of it already? Um. Thank you. It’s just my father hates gum.
Here we are, home sweet home. My home, that is. And there in the garden is my very own dad. I suppose you could call him Father Time. He taught me everything I know about time travel and he has a lot of patience when it comes to my eccentricities. That’s the best dad. Shall we all say hello?
Oof, sorry. Did that hurt your ears? Having a deity for a father can be a little overwhelming at times. Anyways, we’ve got to go or else he’ll talk to us for half an eternity about supernovas.
Anywho, we’re home now but not for long. I’ve got another Father’s Day trip coming up this weekend. Fancy bring your dad along for the ride? I’m sure it would make the perfect Father’s Day gift. Just give Molie Cule, my lovely assistant, a call on 0844 5678 666 or book your journey to the past, present and future here.
This blog is dedicated to fathers across eternity.