Time Travelling Celebs!?
Well hello there readers! I thought I’d do a quick blog for you this evening while I wait for this lasagne I’m making to be done. Usually, I’d just jump into the future so I didn’t have to wait, but there’s something I wanted to address before I forget…
Time travelling celebrities
I’ve been seeing a number of articles over the past few months claiming that certain celebrities are capable of time travel.
Tish, poppycock and pilfpiddle, says I!
First of all: No.
I, Professor Quantum, am capable of time travel. Some privileged celebrities may have convinced me, financially or otherwise, to take them on certain, shall we say, excursions into parts of the timeline they weren’t strictly supposed to be in, but none have themselves seized the reigns of time and made it do their bidding.
Being the benevolent, professorial type that I am, I seek to extinguish ignorance wherever I might find it. As such, allow me to set the record straight on a few of these so called ‘time travelling celebs’.
Yes, Keanu Reeves is the 19th century French actor Paul Mounet.
You see, Keanu is a close personal friend of mine. We struck up a friendship during the filming of ‘Bill And Ted’s Excellent Adventure’, a time travel movie you are no-doubt familiar with. I was working on the set as the time travel consultant; easy work if you can get it!
After doing Bill And Ted, Reeves had been bit by the time travel bug. In the film, he jumps across the timeline on several occasions, but he never stays around long enough to make a mark. He wanted to know what it would be like if he stuck around in the past for a significant amount of time, enough to make a name for himself.
He’s a driven sort, so he’d set himself the goal of becoming a famous actor in the past before coming back to the present.
And that’s exactly what he did, in fact.
I took Keanu to 19th century France where he quickly rose to prominence as an actor by the name of Paul Mounet. He actually stuck around for over 30 years, working on his acting career, getting involved in some the earliest examples of film including a silent version of Shakespeare’s ‘Macbeth’, and eventually becoming a professor at the Paris Conservatoire.
The amount of time he spent in the past might’ve caused problems when he came back to the present and had mysteriously gotten 30 years older, but luckily Keanu doesn’t age. However, that’s the result of an experiment I may or may not have been involved in that, for legal reasons, I’d prefer not to talk about.
Of all the questions I keep getting asked, “who are you and what are you doing in my bathroom?” has got to be the most common.
The second most frequent would be “is Brad Pitt really Hermann Rorschach?”.
Well, this one’s tricky. Technically, no. But that famous photo of Rorschach is Brad Pitt.
I owed a favour to Brad (I may have scraped his BMW with my Time Bus at the Oscars one year), so I took him on a trip or two.
Pitt was studying for a role at the time, and the film involved a delusional character who saw things that weren’t really there (if you’ve seen the film, you’ll know the one I mean). So he could understand this better, I decided to take him back to 1910 to meet one of the greatest psychoanalysts of all time, Hermann Rorschach.
Brad really hit it off with Hermann; he said that as an actor he too is fascinated by the human mind. As fate would have it, as well as having a lot in common with each other, they did kind of look like each other. As a prank, Rorschach took a picture of Brad and had it framed in his office, passing it off as a picture of himself. That picture just so happened to become the most famous picture of Rorschach, and so now everyone thinks the two are one in the same!
If you’re not familiar with Rorschach, he was the psychiatrist who created the famous inkblot test.
If you’ve never heard of the inkblot test, the theory is simple. Patients are shown inkblots (which could look like anything really) and asked what the ink resembles. The type of thing they see reveals something about what’s going on in their mind. It’s kind of like when you’re hungry and every object you see starts to look like a burger or a hot dog or…
Gadzukes! My lasagna!
Well, I do have a few more time traveling celebrity stories for you, but right now I have to jump back in time and stop myself burning my dinner.
I’ll have to save telling you the rest of my celebrity time traveling stories for when I next have lasagne, so until then: